I think I’m ready. I think I’ve lived long enough, and that I’m smart enough. I know enough about how the world operates. I think I’m ready to become one of them, or, more accurately, one of they.
We’ve all heard about they, even if we have no idea who they are. They make the rules, and they’re not shy about telling us. How many times have we heard, “They say you’ve got to crawl before you walk.” Whoever the Hell they are, we seem to put a lot of stock into what they say.
I imagine that they is a group of smart people who get together once a month at the local KFC and make new rules. There are two groups of they; the regular group that makes general rules, and the advanced group of elders who get to decide what it is going to do. Never mind that none of us knows any more about it than we do they; we still hear ourselves repeating things like, “They say it’s supposed to rain today.” The words “supposed to” speak to the authority that this elder group of they have. If it doesn’t rain today after they said it’s supposed to, then it could be punished. You might say that it is in for it.
So anyway, now that I’m old enough and smart enough, I’m going to apply for membership to they. Once accepted, here are some additions I’ll be making:
“They say that he who hesitates is lost or is just taking his break”
“They say that a camel without humps has likely been to a plastic surgeon.”
“They say that when the crows fly away, you’ll over sleep, because there will be no caws for alarm.”
“They say that money is the root of all evil, and that twenty seven cents is the root of seven dollars and twenty nine cents.”
“They say not only to each his own, but that each should also get a decent pension when he retires.”
“They say it’s supposed to keep at least twenty five feet away from me at all times, and it’s not supposed to remove its ankle bracelet.”