Thank you to everyone for the sediments you sent me for my birthday today. Once I finish dredging my basement, I’ll be able to express my appreciation in greater depth.
I had a wonderful birthday, with lots of presence – my family was present, and although we’re all nervous, it won’t last long, and soon we’ll be finished with this present tense. Although we’ve passed out in the past, it is past the time to present me with more presents, especially in the presence of those who’ve already given me presents.
This is my fifty eighth birthday, which makes me four hundred years old (50 * 8 = 400). No, that is incorrect – it is actually my second 29th birthday (29 * 2 = 58), although I seem to remember moving a little bit easier on my first 29th birthday.
I was born in 1958, and today I’m 58 – you’ve all heard of “golden birthdays”, when your age matches the day you were born? Well, I think when your age matches the year you were born, we call that the “rust-colored corrosive” birthday.
And even though I’m 58 now, I’ve actually just finished my 58th year on this planet and am beginning my 59th year. And while 59 may seem like a big number, it is a prime number, meaning that for the next 364 days I’ll be in my prime. So while fifty eight was great, fifty nine will be fine. Look out, world.
Next year, to celebrate, I plan on wearing my birthday suit and, with apologies to Matt Damon, presenting to all the world my born identity.
I know it’s only a small thing, but it seems like a nice gesture.