There’s going to be a new edition of the television series “24,” with Kiefer Sutherland reprising his iconic role of Counter Terrorist Unit agent Jack Bauer. Sutherland first appeared as Jack Bauer in 2001, thirteen years ago now. Now, in 2014, he is forty eight years old, barely younger than myself at fifty five years old. Some may suggest that he is approaching the end of his window as an adventure/suspense hero, but I know differently. There are more episodes of heart pounding suspense that confront me as a fifty five year old than one would ever imagine, episodes that should make damn good television. I imagine Sutherland might not be up for this assignment, and my imagination runs away with me, until I nod off and have the following dream:
The opening credits roll. “55 – Starring Dave Gourdoux as Jack Bauer.” The scene opens with the camera panning a dark bedroom. All we can clearly see is the light from a clock radio on the headboard that says “2:41” As our eyes adjust to the dark, we suddenly see sheets and blankets moving from one side of the bed, being kicked off. Suspenseful music begins softly playing as the movement begins.)
JACK BAUER: Damnit!
(A leg appears as he kicks the blankets off of his side of the bed. Then we see the silhouette of Bauer sitting on the edge of his bed, his legs now dangling over the side. We see him rocking back and forth, trying to gain enough momentum to get up and out of bed. The music swells, pulsating harder and faster. He finally gets up and stands upright next to the side of the bed. Then he starts shuffling in the dark. Before he gets to the end of the bed, just as the music crescendos, we hear a loud crashing noise as Bauer stubs his toe on the dresser cabinet.)
(The music begins again as Bauer grabs his left foot and hops about in pain, and falls over in the dark, falling into the clothes hamper with an even louder crashing sound. From off screen we hear the voice of his wife:)
MRS. BAUER: Again?
(Bauer gets himself upright and makes his way into the bathroom. He turns the light on and we can see him, from the back, standing at the toilet.)
MRS. BAUER: (from off screen) That’s the third time tonight! (The music abruptly stops as the sound of Bauer urinating into the toilet is heard.)
BAUER: Fourth! You didn’t wake up last time.
MRS. BAUER: Did you make it this time?
BAUER: (Sarcastically, mimicking Mrs. Bauer’s voice) Yes, I made it this time. (The sound of the urine stream ends, and we hear the sound of the toilet flushing. Bauer turns the bathroom light off, we can see only the darkened outline of him as he begins to make his way back to bed. The music begins again, building, dramatic and suspenseful)
MRS. BAUER: Did you remember to wait for the dribble?
BAUER: (The music suddenly stops just as Bauer stops.) Oh, crap. You know, if you’re going to remind me, you could remind me a just a tad sooner.
I’d write more, but I have to pee.