Checking it Twice

It’s Christmas time again.   Having trouble finding just the right thing for that special someone this year? No worry – Drivel by Dave has been making a list!  Check out these latest additions to our catalog.  These are all new inventions that have patents pending:

  1.  For those looking to lose a few pounds:  A six pack of my new low fat tapioca, called, “Pudding it Lightly”
  2. For the overly sincere ecologist on your list:  The DBD 2100:  An automobile engine that is fueled by shattered dreams and disillusionment (capable of getting up to 50 MPF (miles per failure))
  3. For the collector:  A new coin:  the 43 cent piece (with the likeness of Charles Nelson Reilly on one side)
  4. For those who like gadgets (like a GPS): An OSO (“Over States the Obvious”) – an interactive device you place on the dashboard of your car that points out painfully obvious and depressing facts (like, “You took that corner a little fast”, “You know, you aren’t getting any younger” and “That shirt has to go.  Who dressed you this morning?”)
  5. For the pet enthusiast:  A thought translator for gold fish.  Never wonder what your goldfish is thinking again.
  6. For the kids:   A “Tickle-Me-Peter Francis Geraci” doll – squeeze it’s hand and hear a random interpretation of the latest bankruptcy laws
  7. For the lawn enthusiast:  a hydrochloric acid sprinkler system
  8. For dog lovers:  Beef flavored treats infected with the Rabies virus
  9. For the bureaucrats:  A pen and pencil set with a twist:  the pen uses lead, and the pencil ink
  10. For the traveling food enthusiast on your list:  A Teflon flying pan – powered by a pair of jet engines, it’s machine washable and has been tested and proven capable of frying bacon at altitudes of 30,000 feet
  11. For the outoors enthusiast:  a can of Instant Grizzly Bear: Just add water, play dead, and hope for the best.
  12. For the history buff:  The Stovepipe Hat Stovepipe:  Be thinkin’ Lincoln every time you put a log in your woodstove with the stovepipe that looks just like the hat Lincoln wore
  13. The Insurance Salesman Canary – a small yellow bird you send first into a cocktail party to detect the presence of insurance salesmen.  If the bird lives, you know it is safe to enter.  If the bird dies, then there is an insurance salesman present, and you should get out of there as fast as you can, or else be prepared to debate term versus whole life for the rest of the night.

Order now while supplies last.  Void where prohibited by law.

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