User ID and Password – the Movie

I’’m proud to announce the print version of the trailer to the first production from Drivel by Dave studios!  Due out this summer, it’s the moving and thrilling story of the IT functions, UserID and Password, titled “User ID and Password: The Movie.”  Talking to people who are “in the know” (or maybe “in the snow?” I had trouble hearing as my phone kept cutting out) about these things kept mentioning the word “Oscar,” meaning that either they think it is worthy of Academy Award consideration or I just happened to stumble upon three guys named Oscar.

NARRATOR (Voice over) From a world of data and user interfaces, of trolls and spam, where the frontiers of relational databases are filled with black holes of primary and foreign keys, comes the thrilling story of two brave individuals who volunteered to be the front line of defense against the viruses, the hackers, and the trolls who sought to destroy and rip apart the very fabric of the world wide web. This is the story of two true heroes.  From Drivel by Dave (DBD) films comes the unbelievable but true story of User ID and Password. 

Watch how fate brought these two legendary icons together way back in the ancient Client/Server days, when remote access didn’t exist, primitive times when home computing was only a fantasy that danced only\ in the twisted minds of eggheads and nerds, and when data sharing consisted of the printing and hand delivery of paper reports, with data entered via dumb terminals tethered by coaxial cables  to the monolithic monstrosities known as mainframes.

(We see User ID and Password in the early 1980s, young, college age. User ID has a mullet and Password has fuzzy 80s hair and shoulder pads. We see them on a staircase, with User ID going up and Password down, both carrying stacks of books. As they turn the same corner they crash into each other, spilling books and papers all over the staircase.)

PASSWORD: Watch it, you big clod!

NARRATOR: See DBD’s controversial answer to the eternal question that has forever sparked endless hours of debate amongst I.T.  Professionals:  Which came first: User ID or Password?

               PASSWORD: You are older than me, you have to admit

USER ID :  I don’t ‘have’ to  admit to any thing. Look, who’s name do you think is posted throughout this database?, Who do you think they look to when they want to access meta data? Let me give you a clue:  It ain’t some encrypted piece of crap that they can’t even read.

               PASSWORD: Don’t talk to me about the ability to access data.  They can’t even get to any data until after they’ve gotten through me.

NARRATOR: See how Password evolved from a weak and insecure attribute of User ID, and, with the help of the requirements of an  eight character minimum, a combination of upper and lower case, “special,” and numeric characters, became a force of her own, stepping out of User Id’s long shadow and establishing herself as his equal, winning first first his respect and ultimately, his heart

               PASSWORD: Don’t write me down on a piece of paper to remember me.  It’d be too easy for me to fall into the wrong hands.

NARRATOR: See the tender love story about how the strong bond of friendship between these two heroes developed and blossomed into passionate love in the cool hum of a file server’s fan   But would their love be strong enough to survive the advances of the notorious temptress, E_Mail Address?

               E-’MAIL ADDRESS : Lighten up, Usey baby.  It’s the internet – it’s wild out here!

NARRATOR: Experience the heart stopping suspense of Password about to expire …

               USER ID (Middle aged now, with gray hair):  Her expiration date is tomorrow. We’ve got to save her. But how?    

               NOTIFICATION APP (Early 20s, young, and handsome, the next generation) Let me take this.

               USER ID: You don’t mean …

               NOTIFICATION APP:  Yes!  Let me send her a reminder

               USER ID: But she hasn’t logged into her laptop for a week. How can we have any confidence that              she’d even see it?

               NOTIFICATION APP:”  But you forget, that I’m  …

               USER ID: Platform independent?

               NOTIFICATION APP:  Yes, I can send it to her phone!  I can even mark it “urgent!”

               USER ID:  That’s crazy! So crazy, it might just work!       

 NARRATOR:  Featuring an amazing all star, all-canine cast. Starring Rin Tin Tin as User ID and Lassie as Password, with appearances by Old Yeller as a batch Processer and Snoop Dawg as a web development frame work. Coming this summer to a theatre near you!