The Latest News From Science and Nature

This is the premiere of a new feature, “Science and Nature Headlines,” where I read actual recent articles on the internet and summarize them, to save you more of your valuable time.  The posts to the real links are included:

“Asian Unicorn” Seen in Vietnam for the First Time in 15 Years:  When asked where he’d been, the antelope replied:  “So we were going to lunch when I said, what, Mexican again?  If I eat one more chimichanga, I swear I’ll puke.  I’m a fucking asian unicorn‘Asian’ Unicorn, not a Latino unicorn.  So I said screw those guys, and left by myself for Mr. Wonton’s – they have the best egg rolls – and this fucking nun in  a station wagon ahead of me, she brakes for a bunch of baby ducks crossing the street – so I slam on my brakes, air bag deploys but I’m a fucking unicorn, you know, my horn pops that fucker, and I hit my head on the steering wheel – next thing I know, I’m wandering around a jungle in Vietnam, and they tell me it’s 2014 – say, is ‘Saved by the Bell’ still on?  That Screetch, he cracks me up!”

Scientists Create Transparent Mice:  Scientist Will Smith:  “I was, in my lab, able to create a new breed of mice so transparent that one of them actually said, to a female mouse, ‘I have a copy of The Notebook that was signed by Nicholas Sparks.  If you want to come by my labyrinth tonight, I’d be happy to show you.’”

What’s the most dangerous place on earth? Turns out it’s seated between two life insurance salesmen on a cross country flight to Eugene, Oregon


giraffe Why is this giraffe gnawing on an impala skull?  When asked , the giraffe replied:   “Because I much prefer the taste of the Impala skull, especially the late sixties to early seventies sedan models, to the Camaros and Chevelles.  I once tried the skull of a Buick LeSabre, and let me tell ‘ya,  I was in the bathroom for a week.”

Strangest genitals on earth:  Whew!  I didn’t make the list! That’s a relief!



About djgourdoux

Dave Gourdoux is the author of the novel "Ojibway Valley" and a lifelong resident of the state of Wisconsin. His work has appeared in The Midwest Prairie Review and Left of the Lake magazine. He is a featured contributor to the arts oriented website and maintains his own web site, “Drivel by Dave,” He leads a local Parkinson’s disease support group, and volunteers as a tutor for adult literacy. He is a member of the board of directors of the Kenosha Writers Guild.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to The Latest News From Science and Nature

  1. Frances says:

    I think I just became a little concerned with how you are occupying your time these days.

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